{"id":1534,"date":"2022-02-26T16:58:50","date_gmt":"2022-02-26T16:58:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/katemarley.com\/?p=1534"},"modified":"2023-12-05T21:00:25","modified_gmt":"2023-12-05T21:00:25","slug":"how-to-try-new-things-in-bed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/marleydiary.com\/how-to-try-new-things-in-bed\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Ask Your Partner to Try New Things in Bed"},"content":{"rendered":"\n[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ admin_label=”Content” module_id=”content” _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_width_px__hover=”1080px” custom_width_px__hover_enabled=”1080px” custom_width_percent__hover=”80%” custom_width_percent__hover_enabled=”80%” global_colors_info=”{}” make_fullwidth__hover=”off” make_fullwidth__hover_enabled=”off” use_custom_width__hover=”off” use_custom_width__hover_enabled=”off” width_unit__hover=”on” width_unit__hover_enabled=”on” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|0px||||” use_custom_width=”on” custom_width_px=”1280px” custom_width_px__hover=”1080px” custom_width_px__hover_enabled=”1080px” custom_width_percent__hover=”80%” custom_width_percent__hover_enabled=”80%” global_colors_info=”{}” use_custom_width__hover=”off” use_custom_width__hover_enabled=”off” width_unit__hover=”on” width_unit__hover_enabled=”on” make_fullwidth__hover=”off” make_fullwidth__hover_enabled=”off” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ custom_padding=”|||” global_colors_info=”{}” custom_padding__hover=”|||” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”7262e956-c376-4aa6-9642-c413f71527d0″ text_font=”Montserrat||||||||” text_font_size=”15px” text_line_height=”1.8em” width=”100%” custom_padding=”|0px||||” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”13px” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” header_font_size_tablet=”55px” header_font_size_last_edited=”off|desktop” inline_fonts=”Gentlemans Script,Montserrat,Playfair Display” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”]

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It can feel intimidating to ask your partner to try new things in bed. Whether it’s a new position, prostate massage, anal play, having a 3-way, swinging, or simply bringing some new toys into the bedroom, your chances of success depend on how and when you approach this sensitive topic! If you want to to spice up your sex life with the highest chance of success possible, read this for tips on communicating what you want! We can’t wait to hear your success stories \ud83d\ude42<\/span><\/p>\n

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Keep it Light & Be Curious<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

When something is really important to me, I have a tendency to mess it all up by making it sound really important. This puts a lot of pressure on Kate, and makes her feel like she can’t say no, “or else.” She has said it makes her feel a sense of urgency. I find the most success when I am curious and open to learning about my partner and our relationship.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

Remember, this is fun and all about learning about your partner. Whether they say “yes” or “no,” don’t push it! Act like it isn’t a big deal either way and move on. If their answer was yes,\u00a0 then work on a way to try it sometime, and focus on ensuring they have an amazing experience. If they say no, move on to the next subject.\u00a0 Bring it up in another way at a different time.\u00a0 Bringing negativity or urgency to the subject will make it harder to approach in the future.<\/span><\/h4>\n

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Bigger Subjects<\/span><\/strong><\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

Things that feel important are can be scary to discuss, but as long as you approach the subject with curiosity and an (almost) complete indifference to the outcome, your risk will be small and the door will remain open to try again in the future, no matter the answer. The bigger the subject, the more important it is that you approach it with curiosity, an open-mind, and the primary goal of learning about your partner’s stance on the particular subject. If this feels darn near impossible, consider the final section at the bottom of the page.<\/span><\/p>\n

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4 Tips on Asking for New Things in Bed<\/span><\/strong><\/h3>\n

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Watch Porn Together<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

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This one only works if you’re both comfortable with porn, so skip ahead if that isn’t the case. This happens to be one of my favorite strategies for introducing new ideas, watching porn together. Remember to start slowwwwwly, meaning that if you want to introduce some hardcore BDSM – don’t start with a hardcore BDSM video. An easy place to start would be a video where one partner lovingly ties their necktie around their partner’s wrists and has some fun with them. After watching, curiously ask your partner what they thought that video, and gauge their response. Don’t push it or make a big deal of their answer!<\/span><\/p>\n

Need some inspiration? Check out our OnlyFans for a real, never staged depiction of what trying anal or bondage looks like. Alternatively, Lustery<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0 and Cheex<\/a><\/strong> have tons of videos of from real, healthy couples who have authentic sex on camera.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Sex Toy Shopping <\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n

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Another fun method is to walk through a sex toy store together and see what catches your eye. Again, you’re not trying to convince your partner of something, just learning about them and their preferences. If you’re both really into a certain toy, take it home and give it a try! If your partner isn’t into your ideas, stay positive and don’t make a big deal. You can always approach it later. Besides, they might be into some other things in the store that you had never thought about, take care to learn about them!<\/span><\/p>\n

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Talk<\/strong><\/span><\/h4>\n

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\u00a0Find a time when you’re both happy and stress levels are extremely low. Avoid bringing this up when you’re being romantic or sexual, but find a time when nothing sexual is happening and you’re both in a great mood. I like to do this on a nice walk with Kate. It can be helpful to soften this by mentioning an indirect event, like celebrity news or a magazine article that mentions the thing you want to talk about it without any pressure on your partner. Find out their reaction and move on to the next topic. Example: “I was standing in line at the checkout the other day, and ______ magazine had an article about prostate massage. Apparently it’s really popular. Have you heard of that?” Just keep it light, and remember that you’re doing DISCOVERY – not trying to convince your partner of anything.<\/span><\/p>\n

If they ask you directly “do you want this?” you should not lie or act like it’s a big deal. Something nonchalant like “it was interesting, really surprised me how mainstream it’s becoming. Hey, how was lunch with your friend?” and then move on to the next topic. Again, you can always bring it up another time UNLESS you create a problem around the subject.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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Just try it and start small<\/b><\/span><\/h4>\n

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If you’re confident and comfortable with yourself and your partner, this can be a really good strategy. For example, if you want to introduce handcuffs and blindfolds to the bedroom, make sure your partner is super turned on and then confidently and nonchalantly tie a necktie around their wrists or over their eyes. Be sure to have practiced this beforehand so you can do it without awkwardness. Make sure they have an AMAZING time. If they ask what you’re doing, just shrug and say with a smile “I’ve always wanted to try this.” After sex, ask them about it by saying “I’ve always wanted try that, what did you think?” If they loved it, keep doing it when you have incredible sex. They will attach the item to the incredible sex, and you can eventually “upgrade” to the real thing, be it fuzzy handcuffs or a blindfold. Again, if they’re not into it, just throw it aside and move on like nothing happened. Don’t make a big deal of it, you can always approach it from another angle in the future.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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“Spicing Things Up” is Not Always The Answer<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

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As I write this, I’m reflecting on my different motivations for 3-ways and swinging over the course of our relationship. When my desire for new partners came from a true place of happiness, excitement, and sharing an experience, it was fulfilling for Kate and I. When the desire came from a place of urgency, loneliness, or feeling unfulfilled, it only served as a distraction from the thing I actually needed and we didn’t connect any better with the new person\/couple than we were connecting in our own relationship. If you’re feeling desperate for your partner to react in a certain way, or feel like them saying “no” would mean the end of the relationship, then it might be worth doing some reflecting and groundwork on your relationship before approaching the subject. If you’ve tried reflecting and cannot figure it out by yourself, open-minded counselors can be helpful in processing these difficult emotions (I prefer those who say they are LGBTQ+ friendly as they tend to be sexually non-judgemental).<\/span><\/span><\/p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.16″ _module_preset=”default” custom_padding=”||0px|||” global_colors_info=”{}” theme_builder_area=”post_content” inline_fonts=”Montserrat”]

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And of course, if you want to give your partner the ultimate gift of intimacy, sign up for our <\/strong>Learn to Give Sensual & Tantric Lingam Massage<\/strong> course<\/strong><\/a>. In this course, I walk you through how to give a mind-blowing, intimate, tantric lingam massage. This course includes written instructions (narrative option available), demonstrative videos, downloadable worksheets, mindfulness exercises, intimate videos demonstrating techniques, and guided-audio for you to listen to while giving your partner a sensual massage. I have filled this course with every technique and tip that I know, because I wanted to give you as much guidance as possible, so that you and your partner can experience the benefits of sensual lingam massage.<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u200b<\/span>Much Love,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Chris<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

*Map contains affiliate links<\/em><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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It can feel intimidating to ask your partner to try new things in bed. Whether it’s a new position, prostate massage, anal play, having a 3-way, swinging, or simply bringing some new toys into the bedroom, your chances of success depend on how and when you approach this sensitive topic! If you want to to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1771,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"[et_pb_section fb_built=\"1\" admin_label=\"Content\" module_id=\"content\" _builder_version=\"4.10.6\" custom_width_px__hover=\"1080px\" custom_width_px__hover_enabled=\"1080px\" custom_width_percent__hover=\"80%\" custom_width_percent__hover_enabled=\"80%\" global_colors_info=\"{}\" make_fullwidth__hover=\"off\" make_fullwidth__hover_enabled=\"off\" use_custom_width__hover=\"off\" use_custom_width__hover_enabled=\"off\" width_unit__hover=\"on\" width_unit__hover_enabled=\"on\"][et_pb_row _builder_version=\"4.14.8\" custom_padding=\"|0px||||\" use_custom_width=\"on\" custom_width_px=\"1280px\" custom_width_px__hover=\"1080px\" custom_width_px__hover_enabled=\"1080px\" custom_width_percent__hover=\"80%\" custom_width_percent__hover_enabled=\"80%\" global_colors_info=\"{}\" use_custom_width__hover=\"off\" use_custom_width__hover_enabled=\"off\" width_unit__hover=\"on\" width_unit__hover_enabled=\"on\" make_fullwidth__hover=\"off\" make_fullwidth__hover_enabled=\"off\"][et_pb_column type=\"4_4\" _builder_version=\"3.25\" custom_padding=\"|||\" global_colors_info=\"{}\" custom_padding__hover=\"|||\"][et_pb_image src=\"https:\/\/katemarley.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/swinging.jpg\" alt=\"get started swinging with kate and chris marley\" title_text=\"swinging\" align=\"center\" _builder_version=\"4.14.8\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][\/et_pb_image][et_pb_text _builder_version=\"4.14.8\" _module_preset=\"7262e956-c376-4aa6-9642-c413f71527d0\" text_font=\"Montserrat||||||||\" text_font_size=\"15px\" text_line_height=\"1.8em\" width=\"100%\" custom_padding=\"|0px||||\" text_font_size_tablet=\"\" text_font_size_phone=\"13px\" text_font_size_last_edited=\"on|phone\" header_font_size_tablet=\"55px\" header_font_size_last_edited=\"off|desktop\" inline_fonts=\"Playfair Display,Gentlemans Script\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"]\n\n \"Swingers\" and \"Swinging\" is a mysterious term for most people, which can be intimidating! Whether you're looking to have a 3-way with a male, female, or want to swap partners with another couple, we'll break down some tips and tricks to start swinging with as much success as possible, while avoiding many traps we fell into as new swingers. First, we'll share some of the common swinger terms you'll run into, and break down what they mean so you and your partner can discuss what you are (or aren't) looking for. \n\n \n

Swinger Terms and Culture<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nContrary to popular belief, swingers are not a large group of people who have unruly orgies in mansions and on yachts. They are normal couples like you and us, who decide what types of swinging is right for them and generally have rules and boundaries regardign what they'll do and won't do. Discuss each of these situations with your partner, and decide which ones are \"YES,\" \"NO,\" or \"maybe someday.\" \n\nLifestyle - Being in the \"lifestyle\" generally means that you are your partner are sexually adventurous, sex-positive, and open-minded. \n\nSoft swap \/ Hard swap<\/strong> - Soft swap can mean different things to different people, but always means stopping before sex. Soft swap can include making out with someone else's partner, and sometimes goes as far as oral sex. Hard swap means that sexual intercourse with new partners is on the table. \n\nSame room - same room is the most common configuration we've run into, and means that you want to be in the same room as your partner at all times\n\nExhibitionist \/ Voyeur<\/strong> - Being an exhibitionist means you get sexually charged being naked in public or watched having sex, but aren't generally looking to swap partners. Exhibition can mean having sex next to another couple in the same bed, or having sex where people can watch in a swinger's club. A voyeuristic couple would enjoy watching another couple have sex.\n\nHall pass<\/strong> - hall passes mean allowing your partner to have sex with someone else whether you're present or not. This is typically for more advanced \/ experienced swingers, as well as those who have met with a given person\/couple several times and are very comfortable letting their partner \"play\" with them without supervision\n\nUnicorns<\/strong> - This term refers to single women who are interested in joining a couple. They are called \"unicorns\" because they are rare and not something easy to find. Recently, this term has been frowned upon because it objectifies single women and is considered disrespectful by some.\n\n \n\n
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<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n \n\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=\"4.14.8\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_column type=\"4_4\" _builder_version=\"4.14.8\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_text _builder_version=\"4.14.8\" _module_preset=\"default\" custom_padding=\"||0px|||\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"]\n

First Things First<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nYou're likely to be triggered by situations where your partner is with someone else, often when you're least expecting it. It can hurt a lot, and be difficult to handle when you're in bed with another couple. This can be from seeing  your partner look at someone in bed with that sparkle in their eyes that you are used to being reserved for you, or even more potentially painful, a sparkle in their eyes that you haven't ever seen (this was one of my triggers). Another can be if your partner does something with\/for someone else that they don't like doing for you. Some of these are not predictable or preventable, and will need to be approached afterword with good communication, and hopefully an open-minded marriage counselor (schedule and appointment for the day after your first rendezvous), but much of it can be practiced and approached prior to your first experience. Here are a few ways you can dip your toes in the \"lifestyle\" water without diving all the way in on your first day:<\/span>\n\n - Go to a busy bar or nightclub together, and dare each other to approach attractive singles and flirt with them or ask them to dance. This is the best way to get an idea what it will feel like to see your partner attracted to someone else, which can be extremely uncomfortable at first. If this sounds terrifying to you, it is even more important that you do it before approaching a swap with another couple<\/span>\n\n - Go to a lifestyle club (below) and talk to the members and get a feel for the vibe. You can also try having sex with your partner in public. We recommend agreeing beforehand that you won't do ANYTHING with another couple on your first night, no matter how good the vibe feels. Couples will be eager to exchange information if there's good chemistry, and unlike traditional dating, we've never experienced a couple disappear because you didn't act when the chemistry was initially strong<\/span>\n\n - Look for couples on the social websites (above) who are open to same-bed sex but also comfortable not swapping. It's really hot to have sex next to another couple, and if both couples are comfortable, hands can wander to each-other's bodies. This is very hot and much less likely to be uncomfortable than a soft-swap or full-swap<\/span>\n\n- TAKE BABY STEPS! Many couples, like us, will not ever be another couple's \"first\" and this is for good reason. Most drama in the lifestyle comes from couples that are just starting out and going too fast, without taking the smaller steps listed above. Take small steps, stay sober or only have one drink (another major cause of drama and lack of performance in bed), and take it SLOW<\/span>\n\n - Consider Viagra. This isn't one you'll see on most guides, but my experience is that when I'm nervous my junk doesn't work. It doesn't matter how turned on I am or comfortable I feel with a new partner, I generally can't get hard with someone until I've been with them 2-3 times. This can lead to a very disappointing first experience as you watch your partner getting it on with someone new, and you and your new partner are just trying to make the most of a situation that is understandable but always at least a little frustrating. Having some viagra on hand has prevented this experience 100% of the time for me, and it might be worth talking to your doctor about before you go for hard swap with another couple if you have the same tendency as me<\/span>\n\n<\/span>\n

Best Website to Meet Swingers in YOUR AREA<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nKate and I found  much more success on websites for swingers than we did at \"swinger clubs.\" The selection, and ability to filter based on interests, age, and read the bio saved us a ton of time and money rather than visiting individual clubs and hoping for a match. Every single great experience we've had swinging came from a website, not a club. Because the best swinger website for you varies drastically based on location, I spent an ENTIRE DAY searching 3 major sites for swingers and counting the members. Click here to see my list of the best swinging sites depending on your city and state. <\/a>We are members of all these sites and can vouch for their legitimacy. Stop by  our profile and say hi!<\/span>\n\n<\/span>\n

Lifestyle Clubs<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nThere are lifestyle clubs in many states that you can meet other lifestyle couples. In some, you can find areas with private beds and beds for public viewing. The biggest rule in these clubs is CONSENT. Get clear verbal consent from someone and their partner before touching them in any way. You will be forcibly removed from any club by their staff or their members if you break this rule, and rightfully so. Always discuss boundaries, safe sex, and preferences before getting in a bed with a new couple. Also, watch out for \"regulars\" who are opportunistic and like to pounce on new members. It is important to be confident and approach those you're interested in, and to be confident telling those who approach you that you aren't interested in that \"it was nice meeting you, we're going to keep making friends\" or something like that. Many new members will hook up with the first people who approach them and seem friendly, and end up matching with opportunistic and sometimes pushy regulars who they otherwise wouldn't be attracted to.<\/span>\n

<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"Taking one for the Team\"<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\nThis is a common term when one person is a couple is attracted to another couple but their spouse isn't. We STRONGLY recommend saying \"no\" and moving on when this is the case, as \"taking one for the team\" can lead to resentment, uncomfortable situations, and even traumatic experiences. Believe us, it IS NOT fun to be in bed with another couple and see the person you love not enjoying themselves. It's NEVER worth it, no matter how hot of sex you could have had!<\/span><\/strong><\/span>\n\n
\n\n\u200b<\/span>\u200b\nAnd of course, if you want to give your partner the ultimate gift of intimacy, <\/span><\/span>sign up for our <\/strong>Learn to Give Sensual & Tantric Lingam Massage<\/strong> course<\/strong><\/a>. In this course, I walk you through how to give a mind-blowing, intimate, tantric lingam massage. This course includes written instructions (narrative option available), demonstrative videos, downloadable worksheets, mindfulness exercises, intimate videos demonstrating techniques, and guided-audio for you to listen to while giving your partner a sensual massage. I have filled this course with every technique and tip that I know, because I wanted to give you as much guidance as possible, so that you and your partner can experience the benefits of sensual lingam massage.<\/span>\n\n\u200b<\/span>Much Love,<\/span>\n\nChris<\/span>\n\n*Map contains affiliate links<\/span>\n\n\"Get<\/a><\/span>\n\n<\/a><\/span>\n\n[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=\"1\" admin_label=\"Author\" _builder_version=\"4.10.6\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_row _builder_version=\"4.10.6\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_column type=\"4_4\" _builder_version=\"4.10.6\" _module_preset=\"default\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_post_nav prev_text=\"Previous Post\" next_text=\"Next Post\" _builder_version=\"4.14.8\" _module_preset=\"default\" title_font=\"|700|||||||\" title_text_color=\"#E09900\" title_font_size=\"21px\" title_letter_spacing=\"1px\" width=\"81%\" module_alignment=\"center\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][\/et_pb_post_nav][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=\"1\" admin_label=\"Related Posts\" _builder_version=\"4.14.8\" background_color=\"#F6E9E4\" custom_margin=\"30px||||false|false\" custom_padding=\"0px|0px|20px|0px|false|false\" locked=\"off\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_row _builder_version=\"3.25\" use_custom_width=\"on\" custom_width_px=\"1280px\" locked=\"off\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"][et_pb_column type=\"4_4\" _builder_version=\"3.25\" custom_padding=\"|||\" global_colors_info=\"{}\" custom_padding__hover=\"|||\"][et_pb_text _builder_version=\"4.14.8\" _module_preset=\"003e9429-8e11-4d9e-968b-8881092bbf81\" header_2_font=\"Vidaloka||||||||\" header_2_text_color=\"#161616\" header_2_font_size=\"40px\" header_2_line_height=\"1.35em\" header_2_font_size_tablet=\"30px\" header_2_font_size_phone=\"20px\" header_2_font_size_last_edited=\"on|desktop\" inline_fonts=\"Montserrat\" global_colors_info=\"{}\"]\n

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